"I Smell Like A Genius"

Album of the Year - We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank

I know it may seem a little premature to be naming the Album of the Year, but we here at ISLAG feel that with "Weird" Al on haitus and Britney coked out of her f-cking head, the music isn't going to get any better in 2007 than it is right now.

That said, the new Modest Mouse album, "We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank", is the Album of the Year for 2007. After spending a week with an advance copy (ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies), I can honestly say it's F-CKING AWESOME.

Johnny Marr (former member of The Smiths), joined the band for this album and I credit him for taking them to the next level of greatness. This album sounds alot like their last, "Good News For People Who Love Bad News", but with the songwriting kicked up a notch and a touch of 80s thrown in for good measure. And that goes a long way for me. (When I say 80s here, I'm talking Big Country/General Public/and, yes, The Smiths - not T'Pau/Will To Power/Taco.)

When I heard the first single off this album, the Arcade-Firey "Dashboard", I must admit I was...whelmed. It's good, but not as good as the majority of tracks off their last effort. I'm happy to report that "Dashboard" is not one of the stronger tracks on the album, though it is one of the more radio friendly.

The power from this album comes from tracks such as the cinematic ballad(?) "Missed the Boat", the 8 minute droning guitar symphony that is "Spitting Venom", and the dead-solid hooks in "Florida" and "Fire It Up". It doesn't hurt any that the production is spot on. Dennis Herring, the dude who produced thier last album, did another stellar job here. 

I can't express in words how into this album I am right now. "I love it so much I want to take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant" is a good start though.

Run to your record store on March 20th and pick it up. It's the sh-t.

My Feet are Cold

Have you seen my socks? I can't seem to find them anywhere. Let's see...where did I have them last? I went to Not So Silent Night on Friday. I had them on for the Shins, I know that. Hmm...I had them on before The Raconeurs took the stage and then...that's it!

The Raconteurs knocked...nay, ROCKED, my f-cking socks off!!

Seriously kids, if you jump in your time machine and see only one live band in 2006, make it The Raconteurs. The studio album is good. I give it a B+. But live? Man - they are a f-cking rock and roll machine. I'm still picking my jaw up off the ground. Possibly the best 40 minutes of live music I've ever heard. They blew away The Shins, Modest Mouse, and The Killers on Friday. (Killers = snore fest, Modest Mouse = horrible live mix fest, The Shins = good, but not as good as The Raconteurs fest).

Here's a little video. Check 'em for yourself. Bang, Bang.

R.I.P. Tower Records

Tower Records/Tower Books is closing next week. I've been going to Tower ever since I had an allowance. I discovered Choose Your Own Adventure books there. I discovered National Lampoon Magazine there. I discovered The Pixies there. And Peter Gabriel. The Police. Nirvana. Tori Amos. Weezer.

I took my first girlfriend there on a date. I commiserated with my friends there when I couldn't get a date (many, many times). In my High School/College years, Tower was where we went when we had no place else to go on a Saturday night. Even when we did have some place to go, we usually ended up there afterwords anyway.

I felt proud when my band's album was put onto the shelves (on consignment) right next to Concrete Blonde. Sure we never saw any money from it, but how cool was that? To be next to all my rock and roll heroes in my favorite store in the world.

As of next week (possibly sooner), that store will be gone forever. Something about being crushed by The Internet. yay progress. woohoo technology.

I guess it had to happen. How can a brick and mortar compete with Amazon.com for all those lazy customers?

I'm gonna miss just browsing. I'm going to miss the listening stations. I'm going to miss the magazine section in the book store.

I have more love for that building than I do any home I've ever lived in. Watching it being slowly torn apart over the last few weeks has been sad.

Music has always been my drug of choice and my favorite dealer just got busted.

I am a YouTube Addict

OK - I promise, last YouTube link for a while. I just wanted to share the Best Video Of The Year with ya'll. (Just check out the screen capture - you know you want to see it.)

Ladies and Gentlemen - I give you Gnarls Barkley covering "Gone Daddy Gone":

"I celebrate the man's entire catalog"

Oh yes - it's that time again. Tomorrow we see a new release from a man who has never failed to deliver the goods since I was in grade school. Watch the video. Then go out and buy what is sure to be YET ANOTHER Grammy Award winning album.

And speaking of videos - why didn't anyone ever tell me about these guys? This video SLAYS ME WITH HAPPINESS:

The best part is almost always looking at the guy who ISN'T singing. Or just watching the guy in back play video games. Don't forget to check out one of their follow-ups as well:

Happy 33 1/3 to me!

Here is how I spent it:

Rocking with my band Lemony at Orlando's warehouse of coolness. Not only was it my 33 1/3 birthday, but it was Max's real birthday as well (and, coincidentally, Orlando's un-birthday). We played:

Brilliant Mistake (Elvis Costello)
Lifetime Piling Up (Talking Heads)
Is She Really Going Out With Him (Joe Jackson)
To Anyone Who'll Listen (Lemony)
Lesson Number One (Marshall Crenshaw)
Head Over Heels (Go-Gos/Tears For Fears Mish-mash)
Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)
When Doves Cry (Prince)

Here is what I look like right before I bust into a P-Hat solo:

And just to prove there were actual people in the audience:

So that's where a lot of my time has been going my friends. Now that the party is over I'm ready to start being "regular" again (insert poo joke here) in my posting frequency (or here).

All I can say is that this song is overplayed...

Remember that "No Rain" song back in the 90s? If you listened to "alternative" radio back in the day, it was REALLY hard to miss it.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain

At first it was ok. But then they started playing the f-cking thing nonstop. Too often I found myself screaming, then leaping out of my chair and thrashing my arms about in a mad effort to change the station before the singing started (or at the very least, to knock the radio off my dresser in hopes that it would unplug itself).

Finally, after nearly taking out my knee and my eye (in less than 10 seconds no less), I decided to stop letting the song have so much power over me. I decided to take control. I wrote alternative lyrics to the song so I could stomach it.

I don't remember it all now, but I remember the opening lines:

All I can say is that this song is overplayed
I hear the f-cking thing every god damned day

Since then, I've made a practice of "Weird Al-ing" annoying songs to take away their power. Which brings me to my song of the year - "Bad Day".

If you didn't hear it enough on American Idol EVERY FRIGGIN WEEK, then all you had to do was turn on the radio! Or go to the gym! Or turn on the TV! For months, the song was unescapable!

So I now present to you the lyrics that kept me sane during the first half of 2006. And once again, they feature our cat, Mr. Ricky.

He doesn’t like pancakes or waffles or toast
He doesn’t like coffee, not even French roast
He tells me my food tastes "not ok"
And asks how I eat it everyday
And tells me he don't care for none

He thinks people food it tastes really gross
But what he ate last night made him curl his toes
His fur stood on end from snout to spine
He'd found a food he deemed so devine
That he'd eat it til it's gone

Rick had a parfait
He gobbled it down
He even ate bits what fell on the ground
He added whipped cream
And a banana too
Lord only knows
What it’ll do to his poo
He had a parfait
Of gi-normous size
He’ll have to run miles
To burn the fat from his thighs
Rick had a parfait
Rick had a parfait

Best Music Video Ever!

But before I get to it, I must say 3 things that you can ignore because they aren't directed to you unless you are an old white dude who picks his nose, NBC, or the girl who watches me go to the bathroom:

#1 - Older white dude I see on the train most mornings - People can see you picking your nose. You aren't in your car. You are surrounded by people. You need to stop. Picking your nose is something that should be done in private. Like sex or pooing.

#2 - NBC - Last Comic Standing is SO LAME. You had some excellent talent to choose from. But of the 12 finalists, I counted only 3 that made me laugh. WTF? Did the unfunny finalists just fit the Johnny Bravo suit better? The Older Gentleman. The Pregnant Woman. The Disabled Comedian. They may be diverse, but they are far from the best you had to choose from. You had so much potential this season NBC. Bad peacock! Bad!

#3 - Girl who watches me go to the bathroom - I am so, so sorry your desk is right next to the men's bathroom. I know you see all the guys in the office enter and exit the bathroom, but I hope to god you don't monitor the time we spend in there. If you do, I can only offer one excuse for today's marathon...# 7 with cheese, extra mayo.

OK - here it is. Best Music Video Ever.

Cartman's Worst Nightmare

Hippies. You gotta love 'em. Kudos to Neil for having the balls to make this record.

Click here to listen to the entire album. Then, if you feel so inclined, go out and buy it.

(You can read the LA Times review here.)

Journey to the Center of My Boss's Hatred of Journey

First off - Congrats to Pauly. His book is out next week!! Read about it here. Then race out and order it (as I plan to do that this weekend). If it is even 1/25th as funny as his last book, you'll wet yourself laughing. However, if it is only 1/90th as funny as his last book, you'll just wet yourself.

Now - on to the business of Journey. My boss HATES Journey. We can't figure out why, but he is as anti-Steve Perry & Co. as possible. If it were dinner with Steve Perry or a knife to the eye, he'd show up to work the next day Sammy Davis Jr.-style.

I can't think of a music star I dislike that much. I hate Dave Matthews' music with a passion, but he seems like an OK guy. If we went to the restaurant of my choice AND he paid AND he promised not to sing, I think I could live with the choice of dinner over eye loss.

But my boss.. no way. Steve Perry is his Lex Luthor. Which is why I like to work the following phrases like these into our meetings:

"I will FAITHFULLY pursue this lead" and "DON'T STOP BELIEVIN' that sir!" or "ANY WAY YOU WANT IT sir. (But I don't mean that in the LOVIN', TOUCHIN', SQUEEZIN' way)"

The reason I bring all this up is that I saw this yesterday and had to FWD it to him.